Dear Grandma Dae,
This Saturday marks three years since you left this earth. I haven’t stopped missing you, and sometimes the pain of your physical absence still goes deep. In those moments when I just want to feel you near, I wrap up in an afghan you made for me. Or, when everyone is out of the house, I watch the video slideshow that we played at your memorial service.
Remember when you held my hand as I labored to have Shawn? Fifteen years later, I was holding yours as you took your last breath. I treasure that I was there, and I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything. But I gotta tell you, Grandma—it was not easy. I know we told you that we would all be okay without you. And, I guess we are, sort of.
When I see little old white-haired ladies, I sometimes get tears in my eyes for a bit. Seeing them brings back such good memories! Memories of taking you shopping and going to lunch together, of watching Rockies’ and Nuggets’ games with you. Of just being with you.
We prayed over the phone one day and you asked Jesus to forgive your sins and to be your Savior. So, I know you’re with Him now, and I will see you again. That’s my hope and makes the missing you not quite so painful.
A few days before you died you told me, “Pastor came by today and said that I’m almost there.” I said, “Really? Was Pastor Paul here today?” (He came to see you every few days.) But, you looked a little confused and said, “Hmmm.” Then with all the confidence in the world you again said, “Yep. He said I’m almost there.” When I talked to Pastor Paul that evening, he told me that no, he wasn’t able to stop by to see you that day. Grandma, was it Jesus you saw and talked with? I think so.
I feel you with me, I really do. But, there are times when I would give anything to have you right here just for one more day. I know everyone says that, and I really am grateful for all the time I did have with you. God allowed me, all of us, to have you for many years. But, loving and being close to someone comes at a cost. We are left with the pain of carrying on without that person. I gotta tell you—as you know—it isn’t always easy to do that.
As I said three years ago, this is not good-bye, Grandma. It is only see you later. I can’t wait to see you again.
Your granddaughter, Tammy
If you are missing a loved one, remember God’s promise: “And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19, NASB) I think that means all of them—not just physically but also in the area of our emotions. And, when we grieve, the Lord eases our sadness: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4, NASB)
God’s peace to you.
©2013 Tammy Maseberg All Rights Reserved
